my origami heart
They said it would happen. One day it will hit you, the shock will slide off of you and something will catch you like a perfect punch and knock you on your ass. I crashed yesterday by the memory of my father. I was waiting on the delivery of my kids’ new playroom computer and it just smacked me. There is no rhyme or reason to where it came from. My heart just caved in on itself.
I did pick myself up well enough to teach guitar that night and the new student is great. She’s got a great right (strumming) hand and she was excited with the new scales and modes I gave her for homework. I’m predicting my biggest challenge with her will be to keep her eagerness to learn sated.
I spent the rest of the evening watching both the Phils (‘atta boy Cole with that complete game shutout!) and Flyers win (loved watching Malone get his lunch fed to him by a very pissed off Hatch). And what’s that? Timmonen and Coburn could be back by Game 5? Oh boys if you can just stave off elimination for another game… who knows?
I read some more of On the Road and watched half of North by Northwest (which is awesome by the way).
This weekend, I’ll pray for a break in the clouds so I can finish painting the canoe and perhaps get my flower beds mulched. I’ll run for sure. I don’t want my heart to fold inside out on itself again, but if it happens, it happens.
Oh and I got these shots from Mother’s Day… as you can see my nephew Zach and I are buddies…
- USA Political Election Logos 2008-1960
- body bakery – yikes!
- Foo Fighters Hilarious 2008 Tour Rider
- The Very Angry Caterpillar
May 16th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Grief has it’s own agenda and comes and goes at will. I STILL fall to my knees when I think about my sister and it will be a year since she died in July. It’s never easy. It’s never fair. It never, truly, gets better. Just….smaller. I’m here if you need someone to talk to love, don’t be a martyr. ♥
May 16th, 2008 at 8:55 am
Wish I had wise words for you, but there are none…you will have the waves wash over you and occasionally they’ll take you under. You will get through…and soon the kids will be here for the summer and they’ll be what you hold onto. Glad your lesson went well last night. Have I mentioned I’m tired of having sick kids? The girls are sharing this viral nastiness. We figured you didn’t need to share in it as well…
May 16th, 2008 at 9:34 am
It will hit you when you least expect it – I’m sorry you are going thru this.
Glad the new student has a good strumming hand; it helps to have someone enthusiastic about learning. Makes me wish I’d kept up with my bass. That FOO rider was GREAT!! Ya just gotta love Dave Grohl. Take good care of yourself.
May 16th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Ya know, that fight at the end? What I found really nasty was the spectators. Banging on the glass, acting like fucking morons…
You weren’t one of them, were you?
May 16th, 2008 at 10:04 am
We’re all around you in a cyber-crouch waiting to cyber-catch you if you need it.
*Hmmm, meanwhile, in print, the above sounds much weirder than I intended. Must be Friday.*
May 16th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Claudia – I’m doing my best. Initially, I wanted to cancel all guitar lessons and the dinner plans I had. In the end one of the students canceled (due to a cold) and my dining mate stood me up
Carolyn – i say you tell them to rub some dirt on it and get back in the game
kat – Dave has a great sense of humor, definitely
Jazz – you’re damn skippy, i’m a hockey fan, not an ice capades fan like you Habs fans.
Greata – i like it when you’re weird lady, it’s cool
May 16th, 2008 at 10:09 am
*hug* North by Northwest rocks – admit it, you’re hot for Cary Grant.
May 16th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Each day as it comes, right…?
Your first time for NxNW? Great movie!
May 16th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Awwww, I’m sorry you’re feeling sad Van, but it would be weirder if you weren’t. It’d be even weirder if you baked those heads.
May 16th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
I don’t think anything can prepare you for the moment your heart opens. It just happens. And a scary awful flood comes out. I remember sitting on the bottom step of our stairs – after having slid down the entire thing because we had the fucking carpet cleaned – and wham. Heart opens. I don’t know how long I was there – a hour? 12 days? 15 minutes?
The feelings will come again, but the shock of the moment never returns.
You’re doing well – truly. I’m sorry you have to go through this but you will get through it. You won’t recognize yourself.
I believe in you.
May 16th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
deep breaths, amigo
May 16th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
it’s good that you were forewarned about this so you could recognize it when it happened. just be kind and gentle with yourself in the grief process, ok? glad to hear about the new student. that must have been gratifying. hugs.
May 16th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
umm what else are you suppose to do when an angry Hatcher beats the snot outta someone, golf clap? HELL NO. Ya beat on the glass like a rabid monkey! Oh wait, that was me when he use to do it as a Dallas Star. My bad.
I did get to see him rough up Malone last night on tv tho. Brilliant. And Biron was certainly playing like a man on a mission as well. Isnt it great when your team finally decides to get their ass in gear when down 3-0?! Gah.
Foo Fighters Rider – good stuff. Someone sent me that a few days ago.
Body bakery – umm thats awkward.
Now for the serious stuff…. my thoughts are with you, VK. *hugs* I wish I could tell you that tomorrow you will wake up and it’ll all be easier but I think we both know that I’d be full o poo. Hang in there hun. We are all here for ya and in your corner every step of the way! Even those of us who just know ya via this here bloggin thang.
May 16th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
awww GREAT pics! I bet you teach your nephew all kinds of bad stuff! LOL Thats awesome! I’ve enjoyed teaching my nieces and nephews bad stuff over the years and then I had kids…man, payback has been a bitch!
May 16th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Those pictures are great! I love them! Your mom sure is pretty (and you look pretty good yourself!)
I am still thinking good thoughts for you. I know you have to get through this on your own, but I still wish I could help.
May 16th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
I haven’t watched a single game since my weasely team slinked off to the sidelines with their tails between their legs…doesn’t seem like I’m missing much!
May 16th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Ok…I am SOOO jealous of the eyebrow arch. I wish I could do that. Piss.
May 16th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Hi fb. Hang in there. I came over via your Twitter… hope your mom’s okay. It’s always somethin’ eh?
May 16th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
I recall the initial shock, intense pain and desperation when my brother’s first wife died (we were close).
There’s wasn’t much support: most of my family tried to come to terms with their own grief.
After the funeral it all became ‘life goes on’ on the surface, but in a strange sort of way, our foundations were severely shaken.
I recollect and recognize these moments were intertwined with life as usual events, much like in your photo set.
May 17th, 2008 at 12:20 am
If you weren’t feeling anything, that’d be more sad and awful. You should be feeling these things. Each wave of grief is a tribute to your dad.
Btw, can we take a vote on your sideburns? I vote: AYE!
May 17th, 2008 at 12:20 am
Cuz, with those burns, Bob Mould would totally want to date you.
May 17th, 2008 at 3:51 am
You are a horrible influence.
I love it.
May 17th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Thing is…there are no words of wisdom that help you through this. You’ll look for them and some will comfort you for a while but, in the end, you just get through it. My father passed away a long time ago and, believe it or not, evrey once in a while, just outta the blue, I still hit that wall and my heart caves in too. Hang in there…really.
May 19th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Delayed response – but 4 stars for “On the Road”? If you could have given it 4.5 stars, would you have? Just curious – it’s one of my favorite books, so I’m biased.