my speech during dad’s service
Life Grades on a Curve. My father imparted my favorite words of wisdom to me when I was student at Georgia Tech and beating myself up over poor grades, my first romantic relationship falling apart, and just being homesick. Life Grades on a Curve. It became my mantra, the path to my own center, a keel if you will (to borrow a nautical term which would be apropo given my Dad’s penchant for throwing money into a hole in the water… I mean, sail boats).
Life Grades on a Curve. These five words were and are exactly what I needed to hear then, and many more times in my life. We are all human beings. We will make mistakes. We will fail. We will buy horrible brown vinyl living room sets as a surprise for someone one day (right Mom?). We will hear the phone ringing, put on our glasses and say “hello”.
Life Grades on a Curve. The meaning is so simple, it’s the basal path to feeling joy. Life grades on a curve. You ride in a car, someone cuts you off – do you lean on the horn, catch them at the next light and yell at them? No, some would say that “That person might be crazy, they could have a gun.” A valid point, but what my father taught me was that exerting negative energy was pointless. That person guilty of that infraction is going to be their own punishment. Life grades on a curve, but even the curve can’t help everyone.
This past summer, my father and I spent a week painting the exterior of my home. It wasn’t just buckets of paint that we mostly got on the house, it was a father helping his son regain some self-respect. My Dad worried about my weight loss, working too much, not sleeping… just in general doing whatever I could to not think about my divorce and missing my children so much. But my Dad spent all that time with me painting and then usually using copious amounts of paint thinner to correct some of the overzealous painting… and then we’d spend a hour or so debating who actually made the mistake.
Again, the message from Dad, life grades on a curve. When you help others, there is so much more actually being done than just the task itself.
The reason I wanted to speak today was to honor my father and to hopefully, give some perspective on my hero. The following quote is from Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning.
“Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”
And that to me, sums up my father so well. I’m sure many people here today can attest to his willingness to help absolutely anyone. Look around this room and see all the lives he touched. He taught me the honest definition of family. Someone needs help, you help them – there might be questions asked, but there would be no hesitation in the help. The reflection of my father as a responsible, loving man was so evident when he passed away. The endless comfort of friends and family spending time with my mother. Seeing her grandchildren perched on her lap and the nonstop food and conversation. This is a family. This is a life.
This is what a life is, life does indeed grade on a curve, but Dad, you never needed one.
April 10th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Van, that’s lovely. *sniff* *pats Van sympathetically*
April 10th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
A great dad is worth the world yanno..
you’ve been a fortunate man señor van.
April 10th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Van, that is a beautiful speech. I have tears streaming down my cheeks. What a wonderful son you are indeed.
April 10th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
I feel for your loss and wish I had the honor of meeting such a good man.
Prayers for you.
April 10th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I’m so sorry for your loss, for your Mom’s grief, for all that comes with the passing of someone we love
yet I feel joy for you because you are so clearly a blessed person. A son who had a wonderful Dad and became a wonderful Dad.
your words reached out so beautifully. I am in awe of you.
April 10th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
What a beautiful thing you wrote. I am sitting here crying. You are beautiful, and now I am sure that has a lot to do with your dad.
April 10th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
This was beautiful
April 10th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
This should have come with a must need box of tissues on hand warning. That speech is beautiful and I am sure it touched every wet eye both at the service and here amongst your cyber friends.
April 10th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
What a wonderful tribute to your father.
April 10th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
that was perfect and lovely. thanks so much for posting it
April 10th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
I think what you wrote and said was beautiful and it was a testament to the type of man your father was, but more importantly anyone reading this can see that YOU are a testament to your father. I say to your father – “job well done.”
Take care,
Mike
April 10th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
your dad would be very proud. thank you for sharing him and your tribute with us. you are blessed t have had such a dad and now i know who modeled the goodness to you that makes you a good dad too.
April 10th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Van, I am so behind in my blog reading; I had no idea… I am so very sorry. You were the first person to reach out to me when I posted about my worries regarding my son… tonight I will be praying for you and your family.
Your father sounds like he was a wonderful man and he has raised a compassionate son… take care and thank you for sharing.
April 10th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
this was beautiful van.
April 10th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
He really was a superhero. Like father, like son. You are a superhero too!! I hope that you’re doing as well as you can be right now.
April 10th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Thank you so much for sharing that with us.
April 10th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
A beautiful tribute to someone so very loved. Van, your words here are so touching. It takes an amazing human such as yourself to write a piece about someone so amazing. No doubt, your family is blessed to have you, as you all were so blessed with a man like your father.
love to you all.
April 10th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Life grades on a curve. Can I borrow that? It makes so much sense right now in my own life. Your father was wise Van. Apple didn’t fall far from the tree. I miss you. Hope you’re being kind to yourself.
April 10th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
that was an excellent speech…very touching…I admire you for having the courage to deliver it. I know that was a difficult task. We’re all here for you.
April 10th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Ufffff, Van.
I emailed you without reading this but … he must be so proud of you.
xo
April 10th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
beautifully moving Van.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
not to repeat myself but…
oh van.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Wow. That’s powerful stuff. You made me well up too. Van, I am SO sorry for your loss. I think your father was a wise man and so are you. I can only hope that my kids are as close to me as you are to your dad and your children. I’ll be happy with myself if I ever know that my kids would say the same about me.
The car cutting off thing is so true. It was my lenten resolution to try and not get worked up. It’s hard.
If you need anything, let me know.
Most of all, you have my family’s prayers. (We pray every night, so you’ll get 5 every night)
April 11th, 2008 at 12:34 am
van, my friend, that was beautiful. life grades on a curve… but, i flat out am giving you an A for this awesome tribute.
i’m all choked up.
big hug-riddled comment.
April 11th, 2008 at 4:56 am
Hi,
I don’t know you. But I just had to let you know what a touching and beautiful speech that was. Not many people nowadays really appreciate family. I hope everyone who reads this goes immediately and hugs theirs. You and your family are in my prayers.
April 11th, 2008 at 7:18 am
Powerful words. What a man your father must have been to inspire such love and dedication in his son. What a son he has, who could appreciate him. You’ve been blessed. That was just beautiful.
April 11th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Beautifully written, and worth a tear in the eye. My deepest condolences for your family.
April 11th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Well done, man, it must have been incredibly difficult delivering that. Very well written, and obviously I didn’t know your father, but I feel I got to know him a little bit, through this. Sarah and I are thinking of you … take care.
April 11th, 2008 at 10:00 am
I don’t know how you got through that, Van. That was the most brilliant tribute I’ve ever read. As a son you beat the curve and then some.
April 11th, 2008 at 10:27 am
That’s a lovely tribute Van. ((hug))
April 11th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Simply beautiful. Love you man.
April 11th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
This is a lovely speech. I am certain that your Dad was looking down with pride as you spoke.
Your father sounds like a wonderful man, and I know it must hurt terribly to know that he is gone. But, have hope. In your heart he lives always, and with such a rich legacy as the one he left behind, he will never be forgotten.
God bless!
April 11th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
It’s a transcendent tribute, Sir.
April 11th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
This has moved me deeply. It’s beautiful.
April 12th, 2008 at 7:46 am
This is a hell of a gift, Van.
Stunning.
April 12th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Beautifully written.
I’m so sorry about your dad –
Thinking of you and your family.
April 12th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Writing a tribute is the best thing–a way to put a person into perspective, honor them, share them with others.
April 12th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Van, you managed to convey the relationship you had with your father in a way that must have profoundly touched anyway at the service.
April 12th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
It’s hard to know what to say to someone at a time like this. You gave your pop a beautiful tribute which is a testament to the man he must have been. Deeply touched, my friend.
April 13th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Wow. I love that line. I plan to remember that myself. Sorry about your loss.
Glad I found your blog.
April 13th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
What a beautiful tribute to your father.
April 13th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Van. How beautiful. Your father would have been proud. You obviously learned a lot from a great man.
April 14th, 2008 at 2:07 am
I imagine one of the best things your heart-felt words did was give your mom some peace and comfort. You spoke for more than just you, for those who couldn’t get the words out.
I really have been thinking of you, friend.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:40 am
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April 26th, 2008 at 12:44 am
Van, when I spoke to you first and you read the speech you had written for your Father, I was absolutely blown away, in tears you had me. It is quite obvious that your Father and your Family have and have today a huge impact on and in your life. It is so wonderful to see the respect that you have for your Father. I did not have the oppertunity to meet him, I wish i did, however through your words I feel like I know him. It is so rare to see this effort being put forth, from a son, it was really beautiful. I lost my Mum at a young age and I lost my Dad April 6th- 4 yrs ago. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Family.
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Came here through “Where am I going…and why am I in this handbasket?”. Will have a look at the rest of your space in a minute but wanted to comment on what a beautiful speech this was and what a wonderful tribute to your father. You clearly loved him a lot, and he obviously had a profound effect on your life.
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