Comments on: by answering for his own life

By: unstableblogger

unstableblogger — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 01:07:16 +0000

wow, I have sooooo much to say on this but I’m all over the place. There’s the things I’d LIKE to believe in and there are the things that I’ve experienced that pretty much blow all those “like to believe” things to shit. However, I realize that my experiences are based on my choices and I have to be responsible for those – good, bad or simply fuckin awful.

Soooo…. I am just gonna stop there as I am the WRONG person to discuss this, sadly.

unstableblogger’s last blog post..Heat

By: Marty

Marty — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 14:42:40 +0000

I can attest that therapy DID help my marriage, but I know what you mean. I think one of the main problems with marriage these days is that so many people feel that it is disposable -- if things start to be too hard, hell if they stop being fun, they just abandon it. In the past, people at least made a good go at it before they threw it all away. It's a shame that something that can be so good can be so easy to dissolve. But I agree that there are times that people NEED to get out of their marriages before it kills them or their kids (mentally, emotionally -- not physically, although that is a component (poor health)). Oh, and rim.job. How could you NOT know about that? How can you take them seriously after that? Marty's last blog post..The Man He Once Was

By: On a Limb with Claudia

On a Limb with Claudia — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 01:45:19 +0000

I think this is really high level thought, Van. I love the comments too. Everyone has something to say about marriage.

I believe that marriage itself is transforming in our life times. Asking why people get married, is a very good question. Some of the best thinkers on this topic are people like Harville Hendrix. John Gottman has the research.

I guess my question is why did you get married? What were you looking for? What did you get and what did you not get? In there lies the key to what you believe about marriage, commitment and relationship.

BTW, if you going to look at the existentialists and marriage, Satre, or Camus really, are very good fits. However Camus made similar arguments against marriage. Personally, I think they were too twisted by the Catholic church, but that’s just me.

Good questions and good thinking… you’re recovering!

On a Limb with Claudia’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen – My yarnish compulsion.

By: furiousBall

furiousBall — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 15:08:03 +0000

to all – these have to be the greatest comments i’ve ever seen. couple things

- like i mentioned in my response to Sarah, this post isn’t any knee jerk reaction to my own dissolved marriage
- some marriages should be ended, abuse of any form, etc. i’m not anti-divorce at all, or anti-marriage either… it’s really all about that legal portion of this thing called marriage that gets me. why indenture yourself to another human being? i’ve heard some friends suggest that marriage should be a 10 year renewable business agreement. that’s a very pragmatic answer to a solution that’s deeply ingrained within just being human
- a couple of you I think hit the nail on the head, Apertome, Maggie, etc. marriage is what you make it, the ceremony et all in the grand scheme of things is a very small portion of what it entails. you define what marriage means. there’s a very long existential diatribe about when a marriage truly exists that i could launch into, but that’s just all the Sartre reading talkin’…

By: maggie, dammit

maggie, dammit — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:20:34 +0000

This is gonna sound really, really simplistic, but I think it’s kind of like when you say something out loud it makes you more accountable? Like, if I think in my head I’m gonna run a 10K in September, but I don’t tell anybody… and the date comes and goes… it’s not such a big deal, right? But if I post it on my blog, and tell my whole family, and yap about it to my friends, then I’m gonna feel like a shit head if I don’t do it come September.

My point is, I think the institution of marriage has that same effect. I told EVERYBODY that I was gonna stay with this person forever. I said it out loud.

You know?

maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Last night

By: Jazz

Jazz — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:02:30 +0000

Personally I don’t see the point of marriage. The only reason I married Mr. Jazz 20 years ago was to get free airline tickets – otherwise there would have been no point.

That we’ve been together for 21 years has nothing at all to do with the signatures in front of the Justice of the peace. We would be just as married without it.

I can understand marriage as a contract way back when with dowries and that sort of thing, but it’s an outdated institution in the 21st century. Or getting married for a good reason such as insurance and such, but otherwise….

Plus, weddings cost a fortune now if you actually want the trappings. Thank god I don’t have a romantic bone in my body, the quicky civil ceremony was more than enough for me.

But hey, whatever floats your boat, ya know?

Jazz’s last blog post..The National Do Not Call List

By: Houston

Houston — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 13:36:08 +0000

I don’t really know how to respond to this. I don’t want to try and debate anything so I will just tell you my marriage has been a positive experience for me. I realize things don’t work out for everyone (my Mom and Dad included), but for me marriage has been a stabilizing force for me. It is always hard work and THE WIFE and I disagree sometimes, but we see being married as a commitment to each other and keep it in perspective we are in this for the long haul.

I know things don’t work out for everyone and what works for me doesn’t work for everyone, but it fits with our faith, our values and what we hope our children to follow in. Some people don’t need marriage to feel the sense of completeness and family, but we do.

Main thing is, I hope you find happiness (and you will because you have love in your heart, it’s obvious every time you write about your kids) in whatever form it takes.

Houston’s last blog post..World Events Pie Chart

By: tori

tori — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 13:26:52 +0000

I think marriage is hard work. I also know that one of the main reasons I got married instead of just being together is that we wanted kids and we both knew I would stay home with them. Unfortunately a stay at home mom in our country is not really offered any kind of affordable insurance without either a job or a legal husband. That isn't to say that I didn't love my husband, and that the insurance thing is the ONLY reason I wanted to be tied to him, but the reason we wanted it to be legal was because of the insurance and legal stuff. Love can exist with or without a paper, and sometimes I feel like the legal stuff adds pressure that isn't necessary. I definitely believe in love, and lifelong love, but I think marriage is not always necessary. tori's last blog post..Everyone Is Doing It

By: SQT

SQT — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 08:56:25 +0000

Hubby and I did the marriage counseling thing and it did help. We’re still here after 10, often tough, years. I’ve had friends who survived the counseling phase too.

I think marriage is for the security it brings in matters outside the relationship. My hubby and I have a living trust so that if either one of us is on life support– the other will pull the plug. Ghastly, I know. But I trust him to keep me from living as a vegetable the rest of my life. I We have all that stuff set up legally, from who gets the kids and making sure the insurance money goes into the trust account for the kids. I also know that if he’s injured, I won’t be kept from his side because I’m not “legally” his wife. This is what the gay community is fighting for I’m sure. Yeah, a lot of marriages break up. But a lot don’t and those of us who use the legal rights we’re offered are glad to have them.

Knowing what I know now, I’d marry my husband again.

SQT’s last blog post..Friday Feature, Favorite Posts Revisited: Where Does Normal End and Crazy Begin?

By: flutter

flutter — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 05:03:01 +0000

I have a long and convoluted theory on this, but I have never been married, so what the hell do I know? flutter's last blog post..adventures in interviewing